What If?: Swallowed in the Sea
by Darling Pretty
Summary: The little girl with braids and haunting eyes. She won't talk to him, but she does point. And he goes numb when she points straight out to the water." Addison goes missing. Alex notices. Addex oneshot.


**Okay, so I know this has been done to death and pieces but just listened to "Swallowed in the Sea" by Coldplay and you'll understand just why it had to be done. Like Addison and Alex, it's **_**perfect**_**. So I wrote it.**

**It's all based on the idea of what if it was Addison that went into the water during the ferry boat arc and Alex was the one to get her.**

**I don't own anything.**

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"It just makes you think, you know? Would anybody notice if I went missing?"

He doesn't know how to respond to that. He would. He'd notice. But he doesn't know how to tell her that. So he doesn't. Instead, there's a silence and she smiles, shaking off the melancholy mood that's forced the question out of her.

And then they get called to do triage. Habit has taught him to search for that head of fiery hair. Most of the time he has no trouble finding his boss. The scene is so big though that he's not surprised when he can't. But after awhile, something doesn't feel right.

So he starts scouring the hundreds of people running around, looking for that distinctive head of hair and not finding it. So he starts asking around. And everybody tells him one of two things—either they saw her awhile ago, maybe ten, twenty minutes, or they give him some maddeningly vague answer that doesn't help at all.

She's missing. He notices.

Finally he finds someone who can help. The little girl with braids and haunting eyes. She won't talk to him, but she does point. And he goes numb when she points straight out into the water.

He's frozen for only a split second and then he springs into action, running down the dock and jumping into the water. She's right there, not moving. He brings her up to the surface, trying not to think about anything. The second he gets her onto the dock, he yells for an ambulance and starts checking for signs of life. He ignores the ugly bluish purple of her lips and the deathly white hue of her skin.

She's not breathing, but there's the slightest flutter of a pulse and that gives him the slightest bit of hope. He starts rescue breathing for her, keeping his finger on her carotid artery to monitor her heartbeat. The second he loses her pulse he starts CPR.

Thirty compressions. Two breaths.

He pushes all thoughts out of his head. He'll screw up or break down the second he starts thinking about anything besides CPR.

Thirty compressions. Two breaths.

Thirty compressions. Two breaths.

0ooo0

They won't let him into the room at the hospital. Freaking out and punching a wall may not have been the most effective way of proving to the Chief and Bailey that he's calm enough to help out. And now his hand hurts on top of everything else.

So he's stuck waiting outside with Sloan and Shepherd while Meredith helps the Chief, Burke, and Bailey try to bring her back.

And he's suddenly very aware of why people hate hospitals. Hospitals suck. Immensely.

He's so buried in his thoughts that he nearly jumps out of his skin when Shepherd hands him a coffee.

"Huh?" he asks, even though he's grateful for the caffeine. He's not sleeping until he has a verdict.

"You look like you could use it," Shepherd explains simply. He even hands one to Sloan.

Alex has a feeling that Addison would throw a freaking party if she could see this. And she would be over the moon that she caused it.

He turns away from the other men so they don't see him blink back tears. He's Alex Karev and he doesn't cry. Not even over Addison.

Meredith comes out of the room and they all look up expectantly. She shakes her head slowly. "No change yet," she says and then quickly adds, "They're still working. They're not giving up."

More silence. The hospital is roaring with activity and noise and he hears none of it. All he can think about is the fact that he never told her that he would notice. That she might die thinking he's an insensitive jerk. That he's not exactly sure how he could keep functioning without her.

Meredith comes back. Maybe she's been gone for minutes, maybe hours. He doesn't know. There's not really time in his head. Every second passes in an instant and takes ten years.

She smiles and all three men spring up and rush to her room. The Chief stops them, telling them to leave the woman alone for now. Derek starts spouting off all of these reasons that he needs to get into that room, citing the possibility brain damage. And, though the Chief isn't happy about it, he lets Derek in. Sloan and Alex aren't very far behind.

She's still lying on the table, wrapped in a blanket, still looking pale as death. Her lips are still a weird color.

"Addison, I need you to say something. Anything," Derek begs. "Just say something. Okay?"

Her face contorts as she tries to do as her ex-husband asks. But the something is shocked out of her when she sees his companion. "A-alex?" she manages a throaty moan.

Derek and Mark both raise eyebrows, but don't say anything. He pushes his way past the older men. "Right here," he says. "I'm right here."

She doesn't say anything. Getting out that name was enough work for one day. But that's okay. He plans on staying right there for as long as he can.

0ooo0

He doesn't leave her side while she recovers. But that means he has a lot of time to think.

She can swim. He knows she can. They've had conversations about high school sports. She was on the freaking swim team. She can swim.

It wasn't that far. The water wasn't cold enough that she would have immediately frozen up.

So how did she end up underneath it?

He doesn't push her at first. But then he does. He wants to know why she ended up in the hospital. He wants to know why he had to give her bruises on her chest from the compressions. He wants to know why she didn't try harder. He just wants to know her.

She avoids the question, deftly changing the topic so she doesn't have to reveal anything. It's maddening.

Finally he pushes her far enough. "Why do you do that?" he asks.

"What?"

"Every time I ask about the water, you change the subject. Why do you do that?"

"I do not."

"You do. And I'm sick of it. Why won't you talk about it?"

"There are more important things to talk about. Like where my lunch is."

"You just did it again! What won't you tell me? Why won't you talk about it?"

"I don't want to talk about it!" she cries.

"Why not?"

"I just don't!"

"Why not?"

"I stopped swimming, okay?" she yells.

His world stops when she confesses that. "What?

She turns away from him. "I stopped swimming," she admits in a whisper. "I tried to treat a man and he started spasming and he knocked me in the water. And I tried. I swam. I did. But it was just so cold and I just started thinking that… that… I just couldn't figure out what I was swimming for. Derek and Mark hate me. I don't have any friends in Seattle and I can't go back to New York because I'm the adulterous whore. And then you…"

"Me?"

"You don't want me," she states quietly. "I just couldn't understand why I was swimming. So I stopped."

"You have friends," he points out. "Callie and Bailey were freaking out. And Sloan and Shepherd don't hate you. They were freaking out as badly as…" He clears his throat and trails off.

"As badly as what?" she asks.

"As me," he admits.

"What?"

He approaches the bed and wipes away the tears that drench her face. "You went missing," he says. "And I noticed. And I… I want you, Addison. And I'm not going to stop."

Her breath catches in her throat as he leans in and kisses her.

_You belong with me,  
Not swallowed in the sea._

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**I hope you enjoyed it!**

**-Juli-**


End file.
